I was having lunch with a friend a couple of weeks ago when he shared his newfound wisdom about life. His father had told him, "In life, everybody is given 2 or 3 life-changing chances that you just have to go for." Well, something like that. So for me, that begs the question, how do you discern which of these chances will take you down the right path, or moreover, how do you know which path is right?
I guess this is the antithesis to "the future is what you make out of it" which has always been my mentality. I've always been one to live life day-by-day, one obstacle at a time. Sure I have hopes and dreams for the future but I'd say I'm more of a pessimist than an optimist- I focus on the now and the immediate. I live life large, on the impulse, and I thrive off of instant gratification. I'm a spender, not a saver. Sure it makes me hasty at times, but I've always felt that I've always gotten the most out of life this way. But I digress.
The point is, when an opportunity comes up for me, I always think about it in the "now". How does this career change affect my life now? What will my daily responsibilities be like? How much will I make? I guess I feel that there are so many career or business opportunities out there that I feel as long as I give it my all, I can turn any one of those to that big "life-changing" opportunity. So I don't believe that in life you will be given only a handful of chances to "make it"... I still think life is what you make of it.
However, when it comes to relationships, I think this statement is very true. Given all of the compatibility issues that make up a relationship, the amount of work and effort you put into a relationship is nothing compared to the other million factors that will determine whether or not your relationship will last.
There is chemistry- which by the way, why is it that only girls feel that chemistry is important? Is it because we invest emotionally into a relationship vs. boys view relationships more physically? I think guys have a total misconception about chemistry. I think they feel that if it's not there in the beginning, they can just work on it and build it up to a comfortable level. They think that chemistry is purely sexual... well here's news to you, it's not! Chemistry is what determines whether you will be compatible in day-to-day life. In conversations, in those quiet moments you sit and don't talk, when you're busy working on something together or when you are enjoying a vacation together. And girls can tell all this within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. Really.
There is family- all of a sudden every little detail about how you grew up and how you were raised becomes half of the story. There is a new side to things and you have to determine which way to compromise. The way you view family, traditions, values, respect for elders, church and culture will always be challenged because that is the whole point of a relationship, you are weeding out all of the bad experiences you had as a child and fusing it with somebody else's experience to create a new philosophy on life and love.
There are hopes for the future, there are resentments about the past. There is work, there is play. There are friends, there are hobbies. There are habits. Habits can be further broken down to eating habits, sleeping habits. Living habits, cleaning habits. I mean I can go on and on... there are hundreds of issues that need to be in line for a relationship to work. Effort is nothing if everything else is not in sync.
So yes, I believe there is a select few for everyone out there where all of these little issues will just fit like pieces of a puzzle. I think in life we will run into a handful of chances to meet these people and it's up to us to take the chance to get to know them to see if they are the right fit or not. Unfortunately, we will never get a warning sign to let us know if we're going down the wrong path. Everything can seem alright and even perfect until that last final moment you discover something that just crashes down your house of cards.
So I guess my question now is... when do you know? When do you know to give up and when do you know to keep trying? Where do you draw the line between fate and human persistence?
I guess this is the antithesis to "the future is what you make out of it" which has always been my mentality. I've always been one to live life day-by-day, one obstacle at a time. Sure I have hopes and dreams for the future but I'd say I'm more of a pessimist than an optimist- I focus on the now and the immediate. I live life large, on the impulse, and I thrive off of instant gratification. I'm a spender, not a saver. Sure it makes me hasty at times, but I've always felt that I've always gotten the most out of life this way. But I digress.
The point is, when an opportunity comes up for me, I always think about it in the "now". How does this career change affect my life now? What will my daily responsibilities be like? How much will I make? I guess I feel that there are so many career or business opportunities out there that I feel as long as I give it my all, I can turn any one of those to that big "life-changing" opportunity. So I don't believe that in life you will be given only a handful of chances to "make it"... I still think life is what you make of it.
However, when it comes to relationships, I think this statement is very true. Given all of the compatibility issues that make up a relationship, the amount of work and effort you put into a relationship is nothing compared to the other million factors that will determine whether or not your relationship will last.
There is chemistry- which by the way, why is it that only girls feel that chemistry is important? Is it because we invest emotionally into a relationship vs. boys view relationships more physically? I think guys have a total misconception about chemistry. I think they feel that if it's not there in the beginning, they can just work on it and build it up to a comfortable level. They think that chemistry is purely sexual... well here's news to you, it's not! Chemistry is what determines whether you will be compatible in day-to-day life. In conversations, in those quiet moments you sit and don't talk, when you're busy working on something together or when you are enjoying a vacation together. And girls can tell all this within the first 5 minutes of meeting you. Really.
There is family- all of a sudden every little detail about how you grew up and how you were raised becomes half of the story. There is a new side to things and you have to determine which way to compromise. The way you view family, traditions, values, respect for elders, church and culture will always be challenged because that is the whole point of a relationship, you are weeding out all of the bad experiences you had as a child and fusing it with somebody else's experience to create a new philosophy on life and love.
There are hopes for the future, there are resentments about the past. There is work, there is play. There are friends, there are hobbies. There are habits. Habits can be further broken down to eating habits, sleeping habits. Living habits, cleaning habits. I mean I can go on and on... there are hundreds of issues that need to be in line for a relationship to work. Effort is nothing if everything else is not in sync.
So yes, I believe there is a select few for everyone out there where all of these little issues will just fit like pieces of a puzzle. I think in life we will run into a handful of chances to meet these people and it's up to us to take the chance to get to know them to see if they are the right fit or not. Unfortunately, we will never get a warning sign to let us know if we're going down the wrong path. Everything can seem alright and even perfect until that last final moment you discover something that just crashes down your house of cards.
So I guess my question now is... when do you know? When do you know to give up and when do you know to keep trying? Where do you draw the line between fate and human persistence?
2 comments:
new-found wisdom, eh?
nice
Well, at least it seemed new to you! :) Care to add anything I missed? You explained it so much better than me...
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